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Exploring why a coffee date is the best first date scenario.
Coffee dates have become a go-to option for many, and for good reason. As a first-date choice, they offer the perfect balance of simplicity, comfort, and flexibility. Whether you are trying to keep things casual or set the stage for something more serious, coffee dates present an ideal opportunity to connect without the pressure of more formal settings.
Why coffee is the superior first date choice
Coffee is the better first date choice for many practical reasons. First, the expectations and demands are much lower. Second, those more interesting dates are always available for a follow-up date. If you start straight away with the longer, more extravagant dates, where do you go from there?
Why coffee dates are better than dinner
Going for dinner on a first date sets expectations a little too high for two people who may not know each other so intimately. Dinner is naturally more formal and lasts longer, usually up to two hours. What if it does not work out in the first half an hour? You are now stuck there and must watch each other eat, perhaps incorrectly if you are uninitiated in dining etiquette. It makes physically ghosting and leaving your date all the more tempting because the pressure of dinner dates can be all too much for some, however unjustified it is to dart off.
Why coffee dates are better than drinks
Coffee dates are better than just drinks because you want to get to know the person in front of you as much as you want them to get to know you. Drinks on a first date are not off-limits, especially if you need some Dutch courage, but people can get carried away too quickly. Not least, it can give both persons a false sense of bonding. It is no wonder people leave first-date drinks in high spirits when they have just consumed about six of them. Did they have a good time or were they just drunk?
By choosing not to go on a dinner date or for fancy drinks, you also weed out an insufficient match whose main concern is how successful you are and how much money you have to splash out.
How to suggest a coffee date
There are two scenarios in which you suggest coffee as a first date.
First, you have cold approached someone on the street and want to suggest meeting up, in which case coffee is the perfect suggestion as it feels casual and relaxed enough to make it a tempting offer, all else being equal.
Second, you have invited somebody out (perhaps on social media) and want to spend the day with them, which you make clear. Whatever the planned events are, suggesting you first go for a coffee when you meet your date in person is always a good move because you need to sit down and have a normal conversation to get the rapport going.
How long should a coffee date last?
How long is a piece of string? The beauty of coffee dates is that they can last as long as you want, provided everything is going marvelously. In general, you should set aside 30-60 minutes. A coffee date can be as short as necessary without seeming awkward (unlike a first dinner date) because everyone only expects to have coffee with friends or oneself for that period of time anyway.
What type of coffee shop to choose
The more interesting the coffee shop, the better. One conversation tactic I employ myself is using your surroundings to pick up the conversation when it runs into a sudden stop or awkward moment. “That is some interesting art up there, what kind of art do you like?” or “What do you think of this interior, is it you?” and similar questions yield more conversation and response than first thought.
“Have you ever been to a place like this before?” does not work so well when it is a Starbucks because, frankly, who has not been to one?
What to wear on a coffee date
Treat any first date the same regardless of where you go: dress well, comfortably, and honestly. You need to show your date that you are a man with taste and refinement, especially in more casual environments. Most people admire a suit worn well, but everybody in the modern world will think it is too much in some settings if done poorly.
For coffee, elevated casual is the order, and as the summer season is about to cool off, some simple and classic knitwear paired with a sartorial pair of trousers is more than enough to make a great first impression.
Shall we go somewhere else?
When things go well, it’s great. Nothing makes your inner boy jump for joy when you have both clicked and everything is better than expected, but how do you keep it going? Ask them, really! A really subtle and effective way of continuing a delightful coffee date is a combination of planning and genuine charm.
You are the man and so must have a plan. Never turn up to a first date without a plan. You should have no plans or expectations of a specific outcome, but you should have a plan on what to do should it be called upon.
With this in mind, think about locations near where you are beforehand; places that take it up a notch (e.g., an exhibition, a bar, a restaurant) and make a note of them. Then, bring them up during the date. For example, when talking about art you might have said, “Have you seen that bar around the corner with the unusual decor?” Then, as the coffee scene is waning, you want to take the briefest of pauses, look up with a little sparkle in your eyes and a slight smile, and say, “So, shall we go somewhere else?”
Leaving a bad date with dignity
What should you do when the date is going badly? How do you leave? As with all dates, Cupid is rarely poised to fire the arrow and match you with your true love, and sometimes his bow remains fully holstered.
As I mentioned, coffee dates make leaving seem less dramatic because nobody expects them to go on for too long anyway. In any case, nobody wants to be told that the date has not gone well, and so there are a couple of ways you can set yourself up for a dignified exit that will not threaten your gentlemanly aura.
Mid-way through the conversation, ask your date what plans they have today. If they say they have something right after, then they have already set up the exit for you—they have somewhere to be and you do not want to keep them. If they do not have such plans, you can have your own plans with places to be (even if they are not real). You can mention these before the date is in full swing; that way it will not look like you are appearing to escape on purpose.
How do you backtrack if the date turns out to be going so well that you both want it to continue? It is simple. Tell your date that you can reschedule your other thing. If you cannot reschedule, then now you have the perfect reason to meet up again and continue this pleasure.
The Bottom Line
In the end, a coffee date is more than just a casual meeting over a cup of brew—it is a strategic choice that allows you to ease into a new connection with minimal pressure. Whether the date blossoms into something more or leaves you need to make a swift exit, the coffee date remains a superior first date option, offering the right blend of charm, comfort, and possibility.
Thanks, as always, for reading.