Billie Eilish discussed the intense body scrutiny women endure, especially compared to men, and opened up about her sexuality and experience with womanhood in a new interview with Variety.
The musician spoke candidly about her early predilection for big, baggy clothes and her desire not necessarily to avoid being sexualized but to maintain some level of protection and control over her body. “I wasn’t trying to have people not sexualize me,” she said. “But I didn’t want people to have access to my body, even visually. I wasn’t strong enough and secure enough to show it. If I had shown it at that time, I would have been completely devastated if people had said anything.”
Yet, as a woman growing up in the public eye, that kind of scrutiny was impossible to avoid and only reached uglier heights when she did something as normal as wearing a tank-top. “You wear something that’s at all revealing, and everyone’s like, ‘Oh, but you didn’t want people to sexualize you?’” Eilish said. “You can suck my ass! I’m literally a being that is sexual sometimes. Fuck you!”
Of the obvious double standard at play, Eilish continued: “Nobody ever says a thing about men’s bodies,” she says. “If you’re muscular, cool. If you’re not, cool. If you’re rail thin, cool. If you have a dad bod, cool. If you’re pudgy, love it! Everybody’s happy with it. You know why? Because girls are nice. They don’t give a fuck because we see people for who they are!”
Eilish suggested that her disinterest in being sexualized stemmed, in part, from never feeling “desired or desirable.” She went on to say that while she identifies as “she/her,” she “never felt like a woman,” adding: “I’ve never felt desirable. I’ve never felt feminine. I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl… but I’ve never really felt like a girl.”
Similarly, Eilish said she “never really felt like I could relate to girls very well,” adding: “I love them so much. I love them as people. I’m attracted to them as people. I’m attracted to them for real… I have deep connections with women in my life, the friends in my life, the family in my life. I’m physically attracted to them. But I’m also so intimidated by them and their beauty and their presence.”
In light of all that, it’s unsurprising that Eilish found the reaction to her hit Barbie ballad, “What Was I Made For?” so inspiring. Of the TikTok trend the song and movie sparked, in which users shared their myriad experiences of girlhood, Eilish said, “It was so moving, dude. It was so, so touching. I feel like I helped bring people together, and it felt so special. I wasn’t expecting to have women around the world feel connected.”
Eilish recently picked up numerous Grammy nominations for “What Was I Made For?” including Record and Song of the Year, Best Pop Solo Performance, and Best Song Written for visual Media, and Best Music Video. (On top of all that, her collaboration with Labrinth, “Never Felt So Alone,” was also nominated for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance.)